Running, birds, and Matty

Yesterday my ego took a HUGE hit. I'm trying to brush it off but man alive why are teenagers so rude and disrespectful? I wish I could remember if I was ever that way. I want to say there is no way I would have ever called a lady out running a lard-o. But who knows, maybe I did? Yep, that's what happened last night. I needed to get a run in, I left my house at 10:30ish and set out around our neighborhood, because it was dark I wore a headlamp, I hate wearing anything that calls attention to me so I was already feeling uncomfortable, but felt great and was pacing pretty well. I got up on the frontage road and gave it all I had when I got to the end of my kick I saw a group of boys and didn't think much of it, I didn't hear everything they said to me because I had my headphones in, but the phrase, "what a lard-o" made it to my ears. SO I turned up my music and finished strong. It wasn't until I got home and jumped in the shower and the water hit all my chaffing that I just cried. I also cried because I had my tracker set to road cycling and not running and it kept pausing for some reason so I have no idea how far I actually went, I have a pretty good idea, but no idea what my splits were for said run....

Generally other runners and adults are very supportive of runners. No I'm not the fastest person out there, but I get it done, but most importantly I feel awesome after I get a run done. I know I have a LONG way to go with my weight, it's been a huge struggle the last 4ish years, but I realized I've been too focused on the end result which overwhelms me. 75 pounds is a small human, bigger than my 8 year old, and that seems to be all that my brain can focus on, what I have to do to get to the end of my journey, not what I am doing....

On a lighter note, I feel like the birds around my house and neighborhood are plotting to gouge my eyes out and display them as a reminder to the rest of the human race of what they are capable of. We've had a birds nest in the corner of our rain gutter and front door for the past several years and we always plan to take it down after the babies leave the nest, this year on the 4th of July we came home to the empty nest hanging off the edge, so the next day I took it down and put two big rocks on the gutter so they can't build another nest. The mom and dad this summer were really aggressive and would flap their wings right in your face every time you came out the door or looked like you were going to go in the door. My neighbors felt the same way whenever they'd come to borrow a cup of whatever or just to talk. However the birds didn't bother Andy for some reason? Maybe he's the one helping them know whose eyes need gauging, just kidding. Even though my neighbor across the street feared for her life every time she came to my house this didn't stop her from putting a few bird houses in her trees. Yesterday I was doing yard work in our back yard and side yard, our one really great tree is on that side of our yard. I noticed HUGE birds hanging out in the branches, I continued my work and when I came back up by the tree 1358 million birds flew out of the tree and were swooping all around me! All of them were moving together and flying between my tree and my neighbor's.... I felt like Tippi Hedren and wondered if Alfred Hitchcock was filming me. Seriously, what the heck??? 

Wednesday we went on a beautiful hike up Big Cottonwood Canyon, it was a lot of fun and everything was going great until it was time to hike back down from Lake Mary. Matty and I got caught behind a big youth group and I was panicking a little that my sister-in-law had to deal with AJ and her youngest on her own so I was encouraging Matthew to run whenever we were on level, less-rocky ground, I would hold his hand when we ran, I let go to adjust the backpack and he tripped. He skinned his knees really bad and I felt like a horrible mom. We finally caught up with Audrey, AJ and Tate; she came prepared with band-aids and fixed Matty up as well as she could and we started again. He was whining and holding my hand, I let go, again to adjust and he face planted!! I was shocked that it happened again, I couldn't say anything for fear of losing it laughing or hysterically crying for him, neither option would have helped him. Matthew can be the easiest child 99.9% of the time, but if he gets hurt or doesn't feel good, all bets are off. So he got a piggy-back ride the rest of the way down. AJ decided he needed one too so awesome Aunt Audrey gave him one. 

That's been my week thus far. Up for today: more yard work, then Matthew, AJ, Cho and I are heading to grandma's to have a sleep over so I can help with my grandpa's 80th birthday plans and they can watch the boys while I go for a long run on Saturday. Fingers crossed it all goes smoothly. And there won't be any haters out and about.

6 years ago today

I became a mama for the 2nd time around.  Matthew Allen came into the world at 10:12 Sunday morning, weighing in at 5 lbs 9 oz, and 18 inches long.  He is named after my brother-in-law Matt, and my dad's middle name was Allen. 2 great men. It was a bad pregnancy, I had high blood pressure, and diabetes. I was put on bedrest 7.5 weeks before Matty was born, 4 weeks early, because my blood pressure was still on the rise.  I was a nervous wreck, I just KNEW something was wrong with him and as they were prepping me for the C-Section my heart rate was hanging out between 180-195, the nurse and doctor kept telling me I needed to calm down or I would have a heart attack, but I had to hear him cry before I would feel better.... Andy brought him to me all bundled up and he was beautiful, I kissed him on the head and Andy took him to be checked.  About 2 or so hours later the pediatrician came in to discuss our options, they had put a breathing tent on him, but it wasn't helping as they had hoped, he had to be transported to a hospital that had a NICU (because of our insurance at the time I delivered at a different hospital than the one I had William in).
The ambulance came and they prepped Matthew for transport, I still had not held him or gotten a good look at him.  He was brought into my room so I could see him, William was sitting on my bed and when they brought Matty in William looked at him and said he wanted to hold him, everyone was in tears so they took him out in the isolette, and William started to cry and said "Don't take our baby!", I had to explain to him that brother was sick, and they had to take him to another hospital where they would take care of him.  Andy followed the ambulance to LDS hospital and I had to stay, because of the c-section.

I finally got to hold him when he was a week old. Lots of emotions and ups and downs and 3 weeks later, we brought Matthew home.  One thing about babies that spend time in the NICU is that they come home on a schedule, he was sleeping 6 hours at night at about 8 weeks, it was bliss.  Once home he grew quickly.  And I couldn't imagine my life without my Matty!! He is SO sweet and still cuddles with me every now and then.  Here are 6 things I adore about Matthew

1. His contagious laugh
2. His silky blond hair that never stays put, he always has hair sticking up somewhere, no matter what I do!!
3. The fact that he will jump out of pants and into "comfy shorts", the second we walk in the door from anywhere.
4. His ginormous heart and love that he has for everyone.
5. He has the BEST imagination and can keep himself busy with a box of legos or a light saber for hours.
6. How much he idolizes his big brother, he can't wait to be big like Will!!

I love you Matty!! I wish I could put you in a bubble and keep you just the way you are forever!

Matthew

Matty has been saying some really funny things lately.  He burped and said it came out his eyes, then he burped again and said it came out my eyes and nose. He was drinking soda.

He went to bed and when he laid down he told me he will be done in a minute. Then about 30 minutes later he came out and said, "I'm done." I told him to go back to bed and he said, "But mom I told you I would be done sleeping in a minute, and now I am done." I walked him into his room, and he said, "But mommy I told you I don't need to sleep."

I was combing his hair and sprayed it with hair spray, and he said, "Is that grape spray? I want to taste it."
It reminded me of one of my favorite movies, Elf,  when he sprayed the passion fruit spray in his mouth.

More picture catch up

First day(s) of school!!

This was the best front door picture I got..

He was all smiles and ready to go before we walked in, then it was tears and a death grip on me.

3rd Grade!! I usually go to the school and get a shot there too, but I was too busy  tossing my cookies that morning :(

Andrew wanted in on the back pack action!

He will put on Matthew's "pack-pack" and go stand by the door and say, "Bye!"

Oh Hi.....

Settebello Pizza with Mike, Hailey and Austin

Brother and Sister at Settebello Pizza!

Andy and I, it happened to be our 10 year anniversary that night.

Austin was there too.

Brother was leaving for San Fran for grad school so we got together before he left.

LAGOON!!

William and dad at Lagoon!

They were both looking right before I took this picture

There ya go

Do you like Lagoon, Matty?

How about you Will?

Matty and I on Puff.

Matty and dad

In Pioneer Village

My favorite ride!!

Dinner after Lagoon.

Silly Andrew and playing at Liberty Park

Andrew wearing Matty's Luigi hat

Playing in the water at Liberty Park

"What mom?"

This little boy decided he liked Andrew because they had on the same swimming suits.

Drama gives me a headache, I guess that is why I have boys.....

William got a GREAT teacher for 3rd grade. Then we went to see who was going to be in his class. And I saw a name and my heart sank, a boy who William befriended last year who ended up trying to turn all of Will's friends against him so that this boy would be William's only friend.  We found out on Friday who was going to be in his class and it just wasn't sitting well with me. So Monday I called to see about changing teachers, I was told that I had to write a letter to the principal and he would have to decide, but the secretary said, "You know school starts tomorrow and the teachers already have seats assigned and their classrooms set up." I told her I would bring the letter over ASAP. I did. About 5:00 on Monday night they called and said they could move him to a new teacher who is out in one of the relocatables. Really?? This didn't sit very well with me either, but we moved him to the new teacher.

Monday was also Matthew's first day at his new pre-school. I thought it would be a breeze, he met the teacher and liked her, he did 2 years of the other pre-school it shouldn't have been a big deal. It was. He started crying the second we walked into the class. Even when his cousin and one of his friends came he didn't calm down, he had a death grip on me and didn't want me to leave. Miss Kelly* had to take him and hold him.  I guess he cried for about 5 minutes and then was totally fine.

I didn't sleep well on Monday night, I was a nervous wreak, I even called my sister-in-law who works at the charter school to see if she could help us get William enrolled. I put him in the lottery last year and he was wait-listed.

Tuesday morning I felt sick. I tried to keep a happy face for William, and then while he was eating breakfast, I threw up and I thought, "Okay now that's over I will be okay." Nope, I threw up again and felt weak. Andy got home from working a graveyard shift and he volunteered to take Will, I let him even though I REALLY wanted to check out his teacher.  Andy came home and said that she (the teacher) reminded him of one of our sweet neighbors, and that when he walked in with William about 4 kids said hi to him. I started to breathe a bit easier. He came home from school and said he liked his teacher and a kid that he used to play with sometimes at recess is in his class. Then he showed me his homework, it was to write to 100, which he did in about 1 minute and I made him do more math facts, because seriously, count to 100? He learned that in 1st grade. I will have to stay on top of him with extra math.  I went to back to school night and met his teacher, she is really nice and has been teaching for 20 years, so either she is really going to be great, or she is just biding her time til she retires. Fingers crossed for the first one....

Thursday I got a call from the speech therapist at Will's school because that is where I will take Matthew for speech and adaptive p.e.  She left a message so I called her back, the secretary just sent me back to the room where the speech therapist works, Ms. Somebody answered, I assumed it was Ms. Speech and went into who I was, she then said, "No, you want Ms. Speech, she was trying to get ahold of you to figure out how she can do speech with Matthew when he isn't even coming to Kindergarten, but I'm glad you called, because I have some questions." I said, "well she just called me today and I was calling her back." Ms. Somebody says, "She isn't here, and she goes to her other school tomorrow so its just going to have wait til Monday, and you know Kindergarten starts on Monday, I'm sure she wanted to have something set up with you so that she can get things figured out with the kids that will actually be attending Kindergarten. I wanted to ask you if you're going to bring him in for his other services, he needs fine motor skills and adaptive p.e. I just want to know how you want to do it since we won't be able to pull him out of class to do it?" After I picked my jaw up off the floor I said, "You tell me when he needs to be there and I will have him there, he is going to pre-school, but I'm sure we can make something work." She was really rude and said that she would have Ms. Speech call me and then she would call me as well when she can find his IEP and we can make arrangements.

All I could think was, this is YOUR job lady, you figure out when you are doing things and if it doesn't work for me then I will have to make some adjustments. I felt like she has never had to deal with a child receiving services that doesn't actually attend school when I know that isn't the case. I also felt like she was telling me that by not sending him to Kindergarten  he shouldn't get the therapy he needs.

This all got me thinking that maybe I should consider homeschooling my children. I told someone that is really "old school" in her thoughts and she said, "all the kids I know who were homeschooled are weird and seem to have problems." I told her that things have changed since she raised her children and sent them to school, there are a lot more resources and materials out there that are available to homeschool your kids. She told me to really think hard about it. Really? No, I'm just going to pull William out of school tomorrow and start homeschooling.... Geez!! Then she decided to send me an email and said some things that made me mad so I responded and we went back and forth basically fighting through email, which I should know better, we talked and worked it out. But still, stupid drama really does give me a headache!!!

I will post back to school pics as soon as they are loaded onto the computer. Today Andrew put Matthew's backpack on and went and stood by the door, William asked him if he was going to school and we swear he smiled and said, "Yeah."

I don't want to.

I don't want to go see Smurfs or Captain America. But its ALL Matthew can talk about. He has even told me that Smurfette is cute..... He is obsessed with going to the movie theater.  Great. I don't want to spend any money seeing these, but maybe when it hits the $1 theater. Ugh, the things we do for our kids.

Migraine

We went to the specialist today at Primary's, she said that it is most likely migraines. When I hear the word migraine I automatically think of people who can't do anything for days because their head hurts so bad that when they move they get nauseated. Well in children a migraine can present itself in many different ways and doesn't always produce an excruciating headache.  It can cause body aches (remember I said that he has said that he needs to go to the doctor when he has an episode?), upset stomach, vomiting, and a few other things I can't remember right now. So, we will be tracking his "headaches" and treating them with Ibuprofen, if we are having to give him Ibuprofen more than 3x a week then we may have to try a preventative daily medication.  And, of course just keep watching him especially during his episodes to make sure he is responsive and doesn't lose function of any of his body. So its a relief... I hope this is it and we can figure things out.

I guess this is what its all about anyway......

Happy Mother's Day.  I have LOTS of mother's in my life, my mom, my mother-in-law, my mom's mom, and my dad's mom, plus my aunts, all of them have helped shape me into the woman and mother that I am.  Thank you to them, for being so wonderful and loving and patient with me. 
My mother and I have a complicated relationship. She is trying, she is doing better, but sometimes its hard for me to forget what she has done in the past.  Not to mention that she and my husband don't say a single word to each other, yeah it makes family gatherings slightly awkward....

But today I am reminded that sometimes being a mama isn't always easy. Matthew has been throwing up pretty much non-stop since last night around 6.  He can't keep anything down, not even water, he is so sad and weak, it is ripping my heart out. I can't take away their pain, I can't always make everything better, but I can hold them in my arms and tell them that everything is going to be okay.  Meanwhile I just pray with all my heart that it will pass quickly and that the other children won't get it. I also try not to take it personally when he is crying and asking for his dad.  Daddy is working today, we miss him when he is gone. I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers on Friday, and next week I'm going to get some shorts and hopefully find that pretty purple dress that is in my head. 

Oh Matthew

Matthew expressed interest in playing soccer, so we signed him up.  We chose the team that we wanted him to be on because he has played with one of the boys on the team, and the coach lives in our neighborhood and he sees him every week at church, so he wouldn't be such a stranger to Matthew.  We thought he would like it. He likes it, except for when he is required to actually play it.  He likes to talk about going to soccer and kicking the ball, but when he gets the chance it usually ends in tears.  I'm hoping Andy and William can spend some time with him outside kicking the ball around, maybe it will help. This is yet another example to me that he really isn't ready to start going to school where he will be required to do things in a certain way, in a certain order......

It was a great day....

But next year I plan to do things differently.  We had a GREAT dinner/party today, Matty loved every minute of it. I have TONS of pictures to post from the zoo and today. Stephanie did an AMAZING job on Matty's Mario cake, he loved it, if you live in Utah and need a cake, have her do it, you won't be disappointed!! Also go to her blog and show some love.... A great super sized post to come.... With pictures!

Day 11 - A picture that makes me sad

This was the day that Matthew was born and the 1st time I saw him after the delivery room.

That is my hand reaching for him, I didn't get to hold him in my arms until he was a week old, it was a sad day,

but one that had a HAPPY ending, 3 weeks later when we got to take him home.

Matthew's progress and Kindergarten anxiety

Matthew has come SO far with his speech the last couple of months.  One of my AWESOME friends from church graduated in speech pathology and worked with children before she had her own children so I asked her if she would be willing to work with Matthew and she has been and he is showing improvement.  I'm SO proud of him and so happy that there are people that are willing to help and take pride in what they are doing. 
On the flip side of things Kindergarten registration is around the corner, he's not ready for Kindergarten, I feel like sending him to Kindergarten would be like sending him to cut down a tree with a butter knife. I'm not afraid of the teachers I feel like they are more qualified than I am to teach him, but I'm afraid of the other kids not being able to understand him and making fun of him.  Or that he will never get over being introverted and never approach anyone and engage in play with them. But, I also feel like I need to have more faith and realize that A LOT can happen in a matter of days, and we have a few months.  Then there is the option of something that has previously been a swear word at our house - homeschool.  We'll see.