I survived

My first week of school was brutal, I'm SO tired. But I loved every second of it. I will have to be like Ami and come up with names when I talk about my kids. We have 25 kids in our class, and only 2 of them are "hard", and I even love them, it's like when you have your babies and that first time you see them, you are instantly madly crazy in love with them with every fiber of your being. It was sort of that way with all the kids in my class, except it wasn't crazy insane love, it was crazy insane "you make me want to do everything and anything I can to help you turn into the best version of yourself." Even if it means going to bed before 9, and getting up at 5 AM so that I can get my workouts in. My respect for teachers has grown by leaps and bounds and more leaps and bounds!! We have 16 girls and 9 boys. Tomorrow I start teaching my own Math and Reading groups, pray that it all goes well. I didn't bring the teachers manuals home to review them, that was stupid, but I have been reading over the lessons this week. The nice thing about direct instruction is that there are scripts for every lesson so I don't have to do much, if any planning.

Matthew and William had a GREAT first week of school, Matty amazes me at how much he has grown up over the last year, he hasn't gotten scared and will go with his teachers and participates!! William really likes his teacher and has friends in his class, his cousin isn't in his class but they play together at recess, and he even played soccer with him which Will doesn't really love soccer so I'm glad he is making compromises to be able to play with people even if it means doing something he isn't confident about playing.

I did my first "mud run" yesterday. We didn't do much running as one of my teammates has 3 stress fractures in her foot and can't run so we stayed together, it was worth the laughs to not run. It was incredibly fun and I want to do more. This one was the "Kiss Me Dirty" race and it wasn't timed so it was just FUN, we were the Fluffy Fairies so of course we had fairy wings, I made us shirts with a sharpie that say "I'm not FAT I'm FLUFFY. I was supposed to make us all tutus but I was exhausted so I asked one of the other teammates to do it. I told her I would do 2 if she would do 2. Andy got mad at me and told me I needed to sleep more than my friends needed tutus, so only Vanessa and I had tutus.... And they got ruined anyway..... so did our fairy wings, fluffy feathery hair clips, and the awesome muddy handprint that was on one of my boobs washed away.  My shirt is NOT white anymore neither is the underwear I wore yesterday, they are a dingy brown color, new pj shirt!!!

My neighbor/best friend is watching AJ when both Andy and I are working, she had William and Matthew the first day of school because I had to go put the cute owls I made for our door up.  She took the first picture of them and wasn't happy with their smiles, so she said, "pretend to kill each other", thinking it would make them laugh, but it didn't,  it provoked the second picture.  I'm sad I didn't get my traditional backpack on, ready to go in front of the front door picture, but I'm thankful I have at least these two....

I'm thankful....

I'm thankful to be able to say that I'm a mom. I cherish every moment of fun, frustration, laughter and tears with my boys, there isn't a better job on the planet, I'm so thankful that I get to be here for them through their childhood and hopefully create some good memories for them. I'm thankful that I have somehow become a pretty good mom, despite my lack of a mother.... My mom is causing a lot of drama, I don't even want to talk about what she is doing, but I do want to talk about what is in my head and heart today.  16 years ago tomorrow my dad died and my mom came completely un-glued, it was nothing new, just part of the cycle that has always been my mom.  I hate that I ever have hope that this time she will FINALLY get her act together and maybe even be you know, a mom.  But she is consistent in one thing, and one thing only, letting her family down and turning into a complete nut job.  I wish this Mother's Day was filled with a brunch or a nice dinner and flowers and remembering all the happy memories that mom created for us as children, like it would be with my husband's family if my mother-in-law was at home. Instead it's filled with frustration and sadness and wondering what the hell is she going to do next.
I guess I have gotten how to be a mom from my amazing grandmother, or perhaps just thinking, "what would my mom do?" and doing the opposite.  One thing I have learned from my mother is that I do not EVER want my children to think the same way about me as I do about her.
I'm thankful for my amazing grandmother and the fact that she has sacrificed so much for me and my sister. I'm thankful that she was willing to step up to the challenge of taking on a 2 year old when her youngest was almost done with elementary school. I have learned to love and do whatever it takes to help out my family from her.  She is kind, giving, charitable and most of all she loves with all her heart.  I hope I can be like my grandma and don't mind too much when someone says, "you're just like your grandma." Even though it's usually teasing me that I have forgotten where my keys are or what time my appointment is.
I miss her fiercely and realize how much I depend on her when she isn't here.  My boys adore her, and frankly so do I. Happy Mother's Day grandma!