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Sunday, May 13, 2012

I'm thankful....

I'm thankful to be able to say that I'm a mom. I cherish every moment of fun, frustration, laughter and tears with my boys, there isn't a better job on the planet, I'm so thankful that I get to be here for them through their childhood and hopefully create some good memories for them. I'm thankful that I have somehow become a pretty good mom, despite my lack of a mother.... My mom is causing a lot of drama, I don't even want to talk about what she is doing, but I do want to talk about what is in my head and heart today.  16 years ago tomorrow my dad died and my mom came completely un-glued, it was nothing new, just part of the cycle that has always been my mom.  I hate that I ever have hope that this time she will FINALLY get her act together and maybe even be you know, a mom.  But she is consistent in one thing, and one thing only, letting her family down and turning into a complete nut job.  I wish this Mother's Day was filled with a brunch or a nice dinner and flowers and remembering all the happy memories that mom created for us as children, like it would be with my husband's family if my mother-in-law was at home. Instead it's filled with frustration and sadness and wondering what the hell is she going to do next.
I guess I have gotten how to be a mom from my amazing grandmother, or perhaps just thinking, "what would my mom do?" and doing the opposite.  One thing I have learned from my mother is that I do not EVER want my children to think the same way about me as I do about her.
I'm thankful for my amazing grandmother and the fact that she has sacrificed so much for me and my sister. I'm thankful that she was willing to step up to the challenge of taking on a 2 year old when her youngest was almost done with elementary school. I have learned to love and do whatever it takes to help out my family from her.  She is kind, giving, charitable and most of all she loves with all her heart.  I hope I can be like my grandma and don't mind too much when someone says, "you're just like your grandma." Even though it's usually teasing me that I have forgotten where my keys are or what time my appointment is.
I miss her fiercely and realize how much I depend on her when she isn't here.  My boys adore her, and frankly so do I. Happy Mother's Day grandma!


Ami said...

Happy Mother's Day!
I'm sorry that your mom is mentally unstable, that has to be a difficult thing to handle.


Trishelle said...

My heart is touched by your sweet words about your grandmother. Your story sounds very familiar to my mother's. I admire you both greatly for everything you've endured...but more especially for the mothers and women you are in spite of it.

You may not have the happy, brunch filled memories of having a stable mother, but your children will and that makes YOU extraordinary. Happy Mother's Day!

The Circus said...

Ha I dread mother's day for the same reasons... and I adore your grandma. She's the bee's knees.

Alice said...

I didn't get to know your grandma very well but what I do know of her, she is an AMAZING woman who raised an AMAZING granddaughter to be a beautiful, well-adjusted person. You're boys are blessed to have you as their mother. Happy Mother's Day! And please stick Will on a plane to come visit us this summer. I'm not sure how we are going to survive! :)