I am the biggest I have ever been without being pregnant. I weighed 5 pounds heavier than the day I had Andrew this morning. It has everything to do with my eating because I consistently go to the gym 3-5 days a week and I don't just Hum and Haw through my workouts, I make them count, I sweat. I know a lot of people make the excuse that buying healthy food is too expensive, it is. But when I buy it I don't eat it and it goes to waste. Its not that I don't like healthy things, its that I don't want to eat the same things all the time and I'm not sure how to prepare some things and make them so my family will eat them too. William is also scaring me, he is pretty heavy, he needs to be more active, I need to monitor his food better, we also need to set limits and stand by those limits, not only with food but with iPod, Wii, computer, tv etc.... I read Courtney Cozier from Biggest Loser season 11's blog today. She lost 100 pounds in 9 months before ever going on the show, she was inspirational on the show. I was in tears. Yes losing weight takes steps, but gaining weight does to, and "I'll start tomorrow" or "I'll stop _____ tomorrow" never comes and suddenly you step on the scale and look in the mirror and have no idea how you let yourself become so out of control.
I've often found myself being extremely jealous of naturally thin women, and lately naturally thin and beautiful women have been the source of negativity in my head. And I find reasons to hate them, this is hurting no one but me. Maybe I need to take a break from the internet, Facebook and blogging. And just focus on myself and figure out how to take those steps to be better and to do better, and LOVE me right now, not me that I imagine exist inside me, but the Tiffany I see in the mirror.
If anyone would like to sponsor me on this journey please email me. I could use the help.