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Sunday, June 6, 2010

Completely Conflicted....

Yesterday my cousin called to inform me that my biological dad died.  No one had heard from him for a few weeks so someone thought to call the police to see if he was okay.  A police woman found him sitting in his chair, it appears that he most likely died about 3 weeks ago, he was very decomposed..... I don't know how to feel.  I haven't seen or talked to him in years, at least 5 years.  I don't know what to say....  I feel relieved that I don't have to worry about him just showing up at my door step, I feel relieved that I don't have to wonder if I'm making the right choice concerning him.  I have to say that he did some horrible things to me when I was a child, and it wasn't until I had my oldest and he came to the hospital and was holding him that the momma bear in me came out in full force and I made the decision that I had to protect my child(ren), and I thought to myself, this man is not a positive influence, this man hurt me, why am I allowing him access to MY family?  But I also feel guilty for feeling relieved.  Are my feelings and actions wrong?  He also told the family that he wants to be cremated and doesn't want a funeral, he also told my cousin that he just wanted me to deal with him when he died....?  I've decided that I will call my aunt and ask her if she wants me to do anything or what I can do.  I can't do a lot, but I can offer my support for the family.  Again, someone tell me what to do and how to feel, because I have NO idea.

6 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Here's the thing about grief. There is no right or wrong way to feel. There just isn't. My coworker is a grief therapist, and she said that many people are releived when someone in their life dies, and with that comes guilt, but it's not wrong.

I think you can still be supportive and not tell people exactly how you feel, when their sadness is just as real. But that doesn't mean you are a bad person.

Alice said...

I think you are completely okay to feel and grieve however you need/want to. Like she said, there is no wrong way. As you said, you were hurt by this man so even though he was your biological dad he was also someone that brought alot of pain into your life. Of course you're conflicted. I say take it up with your heavenly father and you'll know what to do. Thinking of you. Love you very much. Take care!

Confessions of a Closet Hoarder but you can call me Judy said...

Tiffany...Feelings are feelings. We can't help what they are. And under similar circumstances, I think I'd feel the same. In fact, I know I will likely feel relieved when a certain person I know dies as well, because I will feel like I can breathe again, and I will know my children will be safe.

It just is what it is. I'll be praying that you know how to handle helping his family and that you will have peace.

:::hugs:::

Derek-Jenny-Kaitlynd-Ethan-Dylan said...

Holy cow....TIFF. Call me when you can. OR I will call you.

LOVE YOU.

Kristy said...

You have every right to feel the way you do.....take it one day at a time and remember, you made decisions to protect your family....you were the brave one. He didnt protect you.....he should have been the one to chase your nightmares away, not bring them on. I love you T and you are one of the strongest women I know. HUGS!

Sovic Clan said...

I love you!!!!Call me if you need to talk!