Disclaimer: This post is ALL about how I am feeling and not necessarily the thoughts or feelings of others.... Its also probably going to be long...
I used to think I had pretty tough skin and that I was confidant in who I am. Then my job changed to the new system, and yes I was more hormonal but I thought I could handle the people being upset over the long hold times and me fumbling through the new processes.... But when I really got yelled at I lost it, totally.
I got called to be in the Primary Presidency at church shortly before I found out I was pregnant, and I have not done a good job. I totally dropped the ball yesterday when I completely spaced an event that I was supposed to help out with. I feel horrible about it. The Primary President has been out of town due to the fact that her mom had to have open heart surgery and there ended up being complications, she was back at church today, when she walked in to talk to me about it, all I could do was cry. She asked me if I felt like I needed to be released from my calling. I said yes and she told me that I had been on her mind and that she was thinking she needed to find a replacement for me. I feel like I have completely let myself and those that I work with down. Horribly.
Then some things have happened that have hurt me to the core. I fear the relationships that I once had will never be the same. I now feel that people that once had my back, do not and never will again. I feel like my heart will hurt every time I see these people and that I will never forget the things that were said and how it made me feel. I also don't have the words to talk it over with those that are involved. I also don't have the guts to do it anymore. I feel like I have to just pretend everything is fine and hope that one day I will feel like everything is fine. Does this make sense?
I'm hoping that there has been an alien abduction and that the real me will magically re-appear.