Don't be shy!

I LOVE comments!!!! And if you comment on mine then I will come comment on yours!!

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Alien Abduction?

Disclaimer: This post is ALL about how I am feeling and not necessarily the thoughts or feelings of others.... Its also probably going to be long...

I used to think I had pretty tough skin and that I was confidant in who I am.  Then my job changed to the new system, and yes I was more hormonal but I thought I could handle the people being upset over the long hold times and me fumbling through the new processes....  But when I really got yelled at I lost it, totally.  

I got called to be in the Primary Presidency at church shortly before I found out I was pregnant, and I have not done a good job.  I totally dropped the ball yesterday when I completely spaced an event that I was supposed to help out with.  I feel horrible about it.  The Primary President has been out of town due to the fact that her mom had to have open heart surgery and there ended up being complications, she was back at church today, when she walked in to talk to me about it, all I could do was cry.  She asked me if I felt like I needed to be released from my calling.  I said yes and she told me that I had been on her mind and that she was thinking she needed to find a replacement for me.  I feel like I have completely let myself and those that I work with down.  Horribly.

Then some things have happened that have hurt me to the core.  I fear the relationships that I once had will never be the same.  I now feel that people that once had my back, do not and never will again.  I feel like my heart will hurt every time I see these people and that I will never forget the things that were said and how it made me feel.  I also don't have the words to talk it over with those that are involved.  I also don't have the guts to do it anymore.  I feel like I have to just pretend everything is fine and hope that one day I will feel like everything is fine.  Does this make sense?

I'm hoping that there has been an alien abduction and that the real me will magically re-appear.

11 comments:

Adam and Sarah said...

I'm sorry that you're having a rough time, Tiff! I hope things get worked out for you. Let me know if you need anything. :)

Debi B said...

You are a wonderful amazing woman! You care about everyone you know.. and care deeply. That is why you also hurt deeply. Don't be too hard on yourself, you do more than you realize. Love ya girl!!!!

Confessions of a Closet Hoarder but you can call me Judy said...

{{{hugs}}} I'm sorry you're hurting and overwhelmed.

Kristina P. said...

I'm sorry, Tiffany. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now! Hang in there.

Derek-Jenny-Kaitlynd-Ethan-Dylan said...

Life is a not a picnic, is it!

I love you, you will always be Tiff to me!! :)

Sovic Clan said...

Tiffy!!! It's o.k. to be released from callings. Sometimes we are meant to be there for a moment, and then move on. No biggie girl! I think we put way too much stress on ourselves when it comes to callings. I love you!!!

Kristy said...

aww T, I wish I was there to give you a hug......HUGS!

Just me and my girls said...

Tiff,

I love ya...life just plain sucks sometimes, but you are an incredible woman and this will only make you stronger.

There are so many of us out there that love you and admire you.

Keep your chin up girlie...you have a beautiful baby on the way and 2 sweet boys that you need you to be happy.

Only worry about the stuff that needs worrying and forget the rest.

Emily S said...

So I have been wanting to email you to get an invite to your blog ever since it went private . . . so how nice for me to see it back in Reader. Anyway, sorry about all the crazy stuff in your life right now. Pregnancy makes everything about 1,000 times worse . . . or is the cause of half of it. Hope you get to feeling sane soon.

Kim said...

I'm so sorry you're having a bad time. Like all trials, this will pass, and you will come out stronger than before. The hard part is learning what we are supposed to, so the trial can end. Good luck to you and your family. My prayers will be with you.

(P.S. ignore the email I sent earlier, since I have now found your blog again.)

Jules said...

Tiff, now I know what the tears were about on Sunday. Tears are cathartic so you go ahead and cry. And if it makes you feel better, I forget to do stuff all the time, even when I write it down on my calendar and highlight it and circle it so that I don't forget!