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Thursday, February 11, 2010

I refuse to ask it but I can't stop thinking it...

It's a quarter to 2 in the morning, and I can't sleep. Today, or rather I guess yesterday, we got news that the new dosage of blood pressure medication isn't working, my blood pressure at the doctors earlier today was 148/80. We are running out of time, I am 15 weeks and 2 days along (about 4 months), if it isn't lower and under control in 13 weeks 5 days (about 6 months) I will have a micro preemie. Matthew was only 4 weeks early and he spent 3 weeks in the NICU, we've been there, done that, got the t-shirt, don't want to do it again. I do take comfort in knowing that one of my best friends had her baby REALLY early and yes she spent something like 10 weeks in the NICU, but now she is a healthy, happy 2 and a half year old. So there is one more dosage up from the one I've been on, so it has to work. The song "Jesus take the wheel" is running through my head. I can't remember the last time I heard it but the message is ringing true to my heart. So I'm going to throw up my hands and ask Jesus to take the wheel, to take it from my hands......

4 comments:

Derek-Jenny-Kaitlynd-Ethan-Dylan said...

TOTALLY! Love you!

Trishelle said...

Tiffany, the moment I came to your blog the song came on and my heart was touched.

I've often heard the phrase 'being swallowed up by the will of our Father.'

There is a lot of fear when I hear 'swallowed' by anything. Marlin and Dori AND Gepetto were all 'swallowed' and they found themselves in a very dark place...not to mention Jonah and he was real!

I can't imagine how swallowed up you feel right now. You have ached for so long for this baby and there has been so much tumult during this pregnancy. But you are showing great faith in our Heavenly Father's will.

The amazing thing about being 'swallowed up in our Father's will' is that it is never dark like the places Dori, Marlin and Gepetto went. Even if while stepping to the edge of the light you can't see in front of you, I promise He will bless you for your faith. In the meantime know that we are praying for you and your sweet little one.

Sovic Clan said...

Love you girl! I am totally praying for you! I loved eating lunch with little Mattie today!! He is such a cutie!

Confessions of a Closet Hoarder but you can call me Judy said...

Still praying for you. I hope it starts to go down soon. {{{hugs}}}